Introduction

My body has served me well over the past 34 years. It has endured nicotine, alcohol and drug abuse, as well as a poor diet and minimal exercise. All of this has taken it's toll. You may think to look at me that I'm fine, and that I have nothing to worry about, but I do. If I carry on the way I am, my body will fail me much sooner than it was intended to.

For those of you that don't know me, I have been battling depression and anxiety since my late teens. Those of you that have had depression know too well that it's pretty hard to get motivated to get out of bed at times, let alone to make an effort to cook something healthy to eat or to do exercise. When you're depressed you want things to be as easy as possible. It's easier to grab a snack, easier to boil water and add it to a pot noodle, easier to not make an effort with your appearance and so on.

Old habits die hard.

I did go through a phase of exercise a few years back. I did kick boxing for about 18 months with my ex sister in law. Although I enjoyed it, I felt I was doing it more for her to get her out of the house as she was a stay at home mum.

Earlier this year, I started doing Callanetics, but again, it wasn't really for myself. I think deep down, it was a bid to motivate my mum to get fit and start feeling good about herself (that old thing of if I can do it, you can too).

This time is different. This time I want to do it for me. 

Why now? Well, I think the tipping point for me is the end of a few friendships, 1 in particular. I don't want to go into details or turn this into a slagging off session. I'll just say that where the friendship was concerned, I rarely thought about myself, my feelings, wants, desires, happiness etc because my main focus was to make them happy, to help them see the good in themselves that I saw. I realise now that it wasn't my job to do that. They needed to do that for themselves, just as I need to look after myself and make ME happy.

So here I am, motivated and raring to go. I know what you're thinking, you're wondering why I have chose to record my journey with a blog. Well, if it's there in black and white for the world to see, it gives me a sense of obligation to see it through and I don't like letting people down. I know the only person I'd be letting down is myself if I failed at this and that's the point I guess... I know whoever you are reading this probably couldn't give a shit about whether I succeed or fail. I guess what I'm saying is writing this makes it real to me and will act as a motivator to carry on, especially when I look back at the pictures of how I progress, and read about how I feel at various stages of this journey. Make sense? Not really bothered if it does... I know what I mean! haha.

So anyway, I'll be joining the gym at the end of this month and as soon as my diet and cookery books (Dr Gott's No Flour No Sugar) arrive (next week hopefully) I'll be ready to spring into action.

Think that's enough from me for now.

P xx